Bachelor Party Episode 1

Link if you can't see the above video

We are back people! Kind of! The Bachelorette just wrapped up their first episode of the season and it is safe to say it was a good one. Brian and I chat about the episode, our feelings on JoJo/ the new guys, and plenty more.

I will say this- my notes were shit. I mixed up names like 20 times. I will take the blame there, but also ABC putting a Wells and a Will on the show is going to make things really interesting for me. It's going to be like when my mom confuses me for my dog that died 13 years ago (RIP Shadow) .

Obviously comment, or tweet at us. @90yehafnairb / @KyleMilnamow or @Shadowmelrose

P.S I am rocking a Larkin Volleyball shirt. No big deal, but I was Academic All Conference 2 years in a row.

Clark the Cub and I Meet Again!

A few years back I told the tale of one fateful afternoon where I ran into the best mascot in the the history of sports* Clark the Cub . Give it a read and I think you will understand how much that event impacted my life and made me the man I am today.

Until last Thursday, I had only seen Clark one other time. It wasn't at a Jewel in Aurora or some other random store that sells Beer, tampons, and starburst**, but at Wrigley Field. Yep, I was able to grab a picture with Clark on my birthday. We even had been exchanging messages like the best friends we are leading up to the event.

Literally Clark is in my top 10 of friends. I'm not going to do a power ranking of my friends yet, but if I have called you a friend or "friended" you on Facebook you probably aren't ahead of a man wearing a bear costume with no pants. Fact only. 

Yesterday was my third encounter with Clark and I feel I must share it with the world*** !

A week ago I found Cubs tickets for pretty cheap online and bought them. Not much of a story there, just saying it's April and people aren't chasing those Thursday night tickets just yet. Luck would have it that those tickets, that were mailed to me, never showed up. However, since I was in the city already I bought some more tickets. Basically living Rickie Rich's life minus the "dead" Mom.

As I walked into the Friendly Confines, I had two things on my mind. 1. I want food. 2. I would enjoy an adult beverage. 

While walking to achieve my goals, I saw my top 10 friend heading towards me. How Clark knew I was going to be there was beyond me. I haven't talked to him in a while, but figured he had stuff going on. Didn't want to bother him. I am a good friend, not a needy one. 

Doesn't matter, I was happy as fuck. 

Now, I panicked. Last time I met him we took a rad photo together. Obviously I can't take ANOTHER photo with him. That's dumb. We are on the level of high fives and hand shakes. However, with my friendships, I like to hug. 

So I took a step towards greeting my man Clark and noticed he had a baseball in his hand. What a class act! The guy likes to give out baseballs to people.

Getting a ball from Clark is like receiving the game ball from head coach Eric Taylor from Friday Night Lights. You have earned his respect and his friendship in that moment he tosses you the ball, two things you have wanted since you met him. 

This is where, an already drawn out story, gets strange. Clark motioned to toss me the ball. I was with my girlfriend at the time (yeah I have a girlfriend. It's pretty cool. Whatever.) and for a brief period I ignored her so I could catch this once in a lifetime opportunity. 

The ball came at me and I froze. I sucked in little league and was cut from high school baseball in the first round of cuts. I'm not good at things and especially not when there is a lot on the line. That wasn't stopping this ball coming at me and I was prepared to catch it and finally earn the respect from Clark and my girlfriend. 

Well, funny thing was Clark big leagued me.  The ball was attached to a string, attached to his paw. So the ball went right back to him and he kept walking in stride. 

So, a few things here:

1. How the hell did Clark attach a string to his paw? That's a lot of surgery to punk kids and grown men out. 

2. This was the second time Clark had a girl walking with him when I saw him. A different girl this time and you know Clark and these women have a thing on the side. This is now  the second of Clark care takers (new nickname for his girlfriends) that thought I was mentally challenged. Not a doubt in my mind. 

3. I'm not even mad.

Clark can do what he wants and I know I didn't earn that ball. Maybe next time I will get it, but maybe not. I can say in the day following the event, I have worked probably the hardest I have in about 3 months just so I can earn Clark's respect. Plus Clark is a Major Leaguer. Dude can do what he wants. Did anyone get mad at the many major leagues who took steriods****? No.

Anyway, my girlfriend laughed at me and I went on with my mission. Clark is still in my top 10 and I would say if this was MySpace he would be in my top 8. 

LYLAS.

*- This title is courtesy of a poll that was voted on before and after this article was written. Only one person could vote. 

**- I have never bought tampons at jewel, but I figured they have them.

***- Or whoever reads this blog. Whatever

****- Besides Congress, Owners, other players, and fans

Who Isn't Coming Back to the "Greatest" Blog in the World

EVERYONE BUT MYSELF AND BRIAN (MAYBE)

Look, we will all needed a break from the site. Last year there was a span we all went on vacations. Then, like anyone who went on a trip, we took time to catch up on lives. Fast forward a year later and I think we are ready.

Will the podcast (that's not really a podcast) be back? Maybe.

Is everyone dead? No, but also maybe.

What have we been up to  in one word?

Kyle- Work

Brian- Drinking

Ryan- Things

Tyler- Baseball

Colin- ?

Real talk I am worried because I haven't heard from Colin in a while. Dude could honestly be in the woods living his "Man vs Wild" dreams eating bugs and shit. Or he could be at the Dutch.

Tyler is involved with a baseball team now and probably can't write for us anymore . I know, all those solid articles he put out are now just gone. I'm worried for his health during this Cubs season. He will have a heart attack in the middle of May from the Cubs losing.

Ryan is working and living life in Wrigleyville. He also got a tattoo. He didn't tell me about it though. Pretty offended. Friends tell friends about tats. Since you, the reader, are now my best friend, I will tell you when I get one.

Brian is coming back. He has a great article in the works that could become a weekly thing or just a random thing. He also has been on a good streak of great snapchats. Follow him.

Me, well, it doesn't matter.

We will try and make your favorite blog come back better then ever. Watch out world, we are coming for you!

QUE THE MUSIC

Tips to not looking like this asshole who got rejected in front of his whole school

This poor idiot needs to transfer schools after being rejected while doing a "promposal" in front of his entire school. Here are a few tips to make sure this doesn't happen to you.

1. Don't do stupid shit like this if you aren't in a relationship. Sure, you can ask in a cute way but the only girls who expect this extravaganza bullshit are girlfriends who want to show off.

2. Don't let your heartbreak go viral.  Never ever do it in public. You may think that you are looking romantic and adorable but you look a little bit like a psycho and you are basically forcing them to say yes (except in this dudes case, obviously).

3. Maybe do a little fucking research and make sure she doesn't already have a prom date? Don't go balls to the wall unless it's gonna be a slam dunk.

To make this guy feel a little better, here is a couple more dudes getting rejected because they were stupid enough to make a scene out of asking people who aren't a sure thing.

Saddest man ever has to sell golf clubs because women are evil

I know we have been on a hiatus but I saw this today and it needs to be talked about. Whenever I feel down because of a girl, or realize that it may be realistic that I don't end up finding a bride or a girlfriend for that matter, I will forever remind myself of this guy and instantly feel better.

Notice how he throws in that he can sell a bag and a driver. Doesn't have any balls to sell, his wife took them.

This is seriously the saddest shit ever and what every guy feels. Listen, I am not gonna sit here and say that girls that try to control their boyfriends and make them better husbands are always in the wrong. If I ever meet a special girl, I 100% expect to have to change some things up in my life to make it a little better. But when it gets to this point it should be considered abuse. Can you imagine if this was a man forcing his wife to get rid of something he loved? He'd be thrown away for domestic abuse. We all have the friends that are in relationships that completely change them and take them away from the group. That is just part of growing up. But this dude isn't even pretending to me happy. This isn't all her fault, it is his fault as well. You gotta see the writing on the wall before you decide to actually put a ring on it. There is no way that this type of crazy just showed up after the honey moon. You made your bed by picking this vicious bitch, now you gotta either lay in it or get out now.

A little piece of advice on friendship. If there is a girlfriend in the group that completely has your friend by the balls and has changed his entire personality, it is up to you to speak up. I know that it isn't easy because you don't want him to get mad, but look at this poor sap selling his beloved golf clubs because his wife has taken his life away. They may not love that you don't approve of their spouse, but they will thank you later when they don't have a noose around their neck.

PS- I am close to selling my golf clubs, as well. Not because I have a bitch wife, but because I am the worst golfer of all time.

WhatSupTho Podcast : We're trying out best

We are back and this is only like 5 days late.

I have dropped the ball on updates lately. I have been compared to the guy who runs the Larkin Athletic twitter account. That is easily the worst comparison I have ever received, so here you go.

We talk about baseball, and address Ryan jinxing D Rose.

Comment and become famous like Riley Sadlon.

Hope is the worst

I know there are two responses after reading the headline:

1. Kyle is going to complain about his shitty teams again.
2. Finally, someone is commenting on how much Faith Ford's character killed the the show "Hope and Faith."

I will cover both because, unlike my favorite teams, I don't like letting people down.

Starting last September, I was pretty excited about what was about to happen. The Cubs were calling up some young talent and fans could finally see pieces of what the management was building for the last few years. The Bears were set to kick off and they were, according to some people, a dark horse Super Bowl Contender. The Illini, though still a few months off, were going to tip off soon and could remind people that U of I is a Basketball school.

Well, this has been a weird few months. The Bears had such a horrendous season that basically everyone was fired and now players are being traded away to try and erase the memories of whatever the hell that shit was. The Illini somehow managed to frustrate me, and many others, just as much as the Bears. The Cubs have actually made me happy, and they haven't played since September.

Were my hopes too high? Possibly. There were holes showing both those two teams flaws. The Bears, in their "important" third preseason game, looked looked lost going up against defending Super Bowl  Champion Seahawks. The Illini would go on to lose their Senior starting Point Guard Tracy Abrams. It was a wake up call that maybe this wouldn't be as great as I imagined. Why would I let my brain get in the way of my hopes?

The part that sucks is starting next month, the team I have the most hope for begins their season. I have  tempered my expectations for the Cubs (or at least tried to.) I think they will be competitive, but miss out on the playoffs. Kind of like how the 2007- 2008 Blackhawks would just miss out on the playoffs, but a lot of people knew that this was a team on the rise.

However, though 90% of me knows that Cubs will miss out on the playoffs, there is still a part of me thinking "what if."

Hope is a terrible thing. It can overshadow the little bits of success your team had because you expected more. It can ruin your day because you think your team should and could win every game. It can just ruin something as great as sports.

I still have hope though. I will always have it. Maybe the Bears can at least be competitive and not shit the bed. Maybe the top recruits will gel well with the experienced core coming back next year for Illinois and they can surprise some people. Maybe this time the Cubs will defy the critics and everything will work out. Maybe, just maybe, hope won't be the thing that ruins sports for me.

Unless Faith Ford ever shows her face to a game. She sucked in that show and I'm just the first to admit it.