The One about The One: Virgin Tears

“Are you the One” is one of my favorite parts about Monday. Is it sad? Maybe. Sorry this is coming so late, I know a lot of people look forward to this. However lets kick this week off with why I am mad at the group.

I mentioned last week that I was kind of cheering against the million dollar pay off because these kids are gonna become millionaires and find the loves of their lives. It is horseshit.

However, these people are growing on me. So , for I’m still kind of cheering for them.  Except for Brandon. I hate Brandon.

Why do I hate this stranger? Well he sucked this episode.  First, he said no one was a strong couple after only getting two lights in the light ceremony. While that may be true, he just seemed bitter at these couples because he can’t find someone to love him. Second, after the Truth Booth revealed he wasn’t a match with  Alexandra (see below), he just started macing on Christina and took her to the Boom Boom Room. Third, he called John a pussy for asking to kiss a girl because he was jealous.

I respect anyone who asks to kiss a girl in an awkward situation. It may be awkward, but misreading signs is more awkward. Plus John is from Chicago. I respect him.

That wasn’t the only drama this week. 

So that awkwardness between Nathan and Shelby became even more awkward after Shelby picked Dario in the light ceremony. Nathan handles the heartbreak like most people; telling Shelby he doesn’t need her. Smooth move.

Sadly the days of drinking seem to have finally caught up with Nate Dogg and he has a mental love break down while corning Shelby. Dario didn’t handle this well, and decided to cut in and put his arm around Shelby. He then claimed“(he’s) just there to listen”.

Nate would eventually go up to his room and cry about it some more. Someone should have told him “Are You the One” is more than just about finding love. IT IS A WAY OF LIFE !

In other couples news, Leyton and Jenni are falling apart after she chose Anthony (Chi Town represent) in the light ceremony.  She goes back and forth on it, but decides it may be the right move after Leyton said some douchebag things.

Anthony jumped on the opportunity to take advantage of a confused Jenni by put her up against the wall and started making out with her.  Total sober move there.

After all the drinking it is nice regular effects are starting to show : crying, saying terrible things, and making out uncomfortably against walls.

THE CHALLENGE

This challenge sucked. People played Pictionary but licking food paste into pictures instead of drawing them . It was called Lictionary. I fucking hate the Challenge part . The love I have for the Truth Booth is nowhere near the hate I have for the Challenge.

Winners: John and Christina ,  Brandon and Alex ,  and another random couple.

Truth Booth –

I love the Truth Booth, but I hate how these people are using the Truth Booth. It is like a teenager with an iphone.

For the third week in a row Brandon was voted in with the girl he went on the dream date with. The strategy became “well, he has to be matched with someone”.  That logic is the worst. These are the people who voted for Bush in 2004 because “hey it couldn’t be worse.”

Him and Alexandra were skipping rocks on their date. That hasn’t been cool since 1900. Fact. I knew they weren’t a match, and no amount of games of Lictionary can change my mind.

Also, partners for the challenges are supposed to be picked with the one who have some chemistry with. However, Brandon just picked someone random because he lost the love his life last week.  It was a desperation Hail Mary.

I was so mad my new favorite couple Christina and john weren’t picked. John broke some girls nose on the first episode, but was quiet last week. He goes on this date and realizes it is awkward that this girls old love is creeping on them the whole time. He played it cool and asked if he could kiss her (like a gentleman) and she loved it.

Another way to prove John is cool is by how he handled the Boom Boom room incident I mentioned before. John heard it was going on and he cockblocks for his million dollars. Brandon would have been crying, but John takes action. Respect.

At the light ceremony, there were three things I liked:

- John explained that “there is a difference between being a gentleman and a pussy” after Brandon called him out for asking to kiss Christina.

- Tyler was the one left out and she was upset by it as more and more people basically she is hot until she starts talking.

-Ellie was picked.

Good news 3 lights went up and bad news no one knows who is the matches.

MVP

John

I am usually not a fan of cockblocks, but cockblocking for a million dollars is cool in my book. Especially when he is cockblocking Brandon. I kind of hope Brandon gets voted off. Plus he handled the awkwardness of Brandon well. Plus he is from Chicago. Him and Anthony have an unfair advantage.  As well as Ellie.

Runners up: Ellie and Anthony

Until next time people or until I get sick of watching, which could be soon with how Brandon is acting.

The One About the One: The Truth Will Cost You

(To review the show, visit here . )

Lets start this blog off by saying that I took three pages of notes for this episode. I took more notes watching one episode of “Are You the One” than 80 percent of my journalism classes. If I didn’t take journalism law, I would have taken more notes during this episode than during my senior year journalism classes for sure.

So the episode begins with everyone still grieving in the fact only two spotlights went up in the first ceremony.

Besides some of the ladies trying to figure out who were matches (Strategy alert), we are shown Nathan and Shelby talking to one another. They are both opening up about their lives, which is just sweet and informative.  Nathan spoke about his heart breaking past and Shelby mentioned she was adopted by lesbians.  More on this couple later

After that Bombshell, Brandon and Christina are shown canoodling in the three foot pool.Brandon is fascinated by everything Shelby tells him (or so he says.) However, the lack of adoption by lesbians does not have me as interested.  Either way, they are making out in the pool with inner tubes wrapped around them. Those kids are always using protection

After Bradon admitted to wanting to kiss Christina “like, everywhere”, the weekly Challenge begans!

In the challenge this week the boys were challenged to dig into 11 sand shapped hearts. Each heart had a quote in it, and the quote was to be matched up with the girl the guys think said it. The girls, on the other hand, were asked to sit back and drink.

Side note: All these people do is drink. Coming from someone who has drank a beer or two in his day, i kind of hope this is actually a show that will help these people with their drinking problems.  It was fortunate for the girls  to sit out though, because as Ellie, one of my favorite people on the show, pointed out, “(her) and seven other girls were on their period.” 

I learned two things after the challenge: 1. I would never reveal any personal information to anyone because I don’t want it used against me in reality show challenge, and 2. love sick Nathan is terrible at digging. Have you even read Holes?!

Winners of the challenge turned out to be: Curtis (who would pick Briana for the dream date), Alex (who would pick Jasmine) and Brandon (of course he picks Christina.) While the couples were excited about their dream date zip lining, SHAKA BRAH, soon the worry about the Truth Booth set in.

I mean if it turns out Christina and Brandon are a match, like they think they are, someone gets sent home. Instead of finding love , that person will be forced to live with their parents and deal with their drinking problem alone. Life truly is a bitch.

Lets get to the Truth Booth. Even with the possibility of someone leaving, Brandon and Christina were voted in. I was cheering for these kids. Brandon wanted to kiss her all over, and over and again till the night grew easy. 

Brandon and Christina pretty confident about their love. I don't know about you, but this pissed me off. Soon I was team #nomatch. 

Well, they went in. The laser scanned them.  And wouldn’t you know it, THEY WEREN’T A MATCH!  Brandon was about to cry and Christina went to the girls for comfort.  I was celebrating.

Like any tough situation, people were divided. Either they were all about figuring out the next move or trying to grieve over the loss of the beloved couple. Surpringly no one was drinking.

After the tears were shed, strategies were formed, and Ellie got over her period (actually, I don’t know if she did. I am confused by those things), the girls picked the guy they thought were their perfect match in the light ceremony. 

I imagine that for me this process would be a lot like the Sadie Hawkins dance. I wouldn't get asked and would spend the night hanging with my friends. 

The biggest drama came when Shelby was forced to choose her man. Does she go with Nathan, AKA Stanley Yelnats in the beginning of Holes, or Dario, who was snaking hard by throwing out a bunch of sports quotes about her being "the trophy" and Nathan "striking out." Dario should write for us.

In the end she went with Dario. Nathan basically swore he would never like her again. I once again celebrated.

At the end, 2 spotlights went off. Same as last week. These crazy kids are pretty far from love and only have eight more tries for the million. If only there was a beverage to help them feel better.

Most Valuable One of Week- My main man Alex

 This dude had two really good quotes. He pointed out that Tyler (which is a girls name I guess) was hot until she started talking. Then, when trying to get to know Jasmine during the dream date, he asked what her dreams were besides being successful and stuff. He has a way with words. Also his hair is rad. 

However he did have his faults. Once given the chance to pick which girl was his match, he ditched Ellie. She is getting a bad rap. Once again though, the hair is rad and he likes to journal. Another potential hire for us! 

Runners up – Ellie, Dario.

Until next week or until I get sick of watching....

The One About The One: What is this show

In the next hour I will be posting  a recap about my new favorite show "Are you the One." It is a reality show on MTV created so kids with drinking problems who have yet to realize they have drinking problems can find love.

I have been writing the recap for a while and realized it is long. This is an hour long show and yet I found a way to write more for this than many of the papers I wrote in college. Now I understand why people with passion towards nerdy things did so much better than me in class. Classic nerds.

I thought I would spare you guys the pain of reading what the show is about and then finally getting into the episode. Instead I will just split it up. I am like Taylor Swift before she drops an album.

For those who haven’t heard about this fantastic show, “Are You the One” is about 23 twenty-somethings matched up with one another trying to find love in what some would call paradise, others a hopeless place. Like that Rihanna song, you know, Disturbia.

The goal is for each of them to pick their  perfect match during the light ceremony they have at the end of each episode. I am not sure of the name, but literally however many matches there are, spotlights shoot into the sky. The spot light business is reall struggling I imagine. This show is their big break.

If all ten are matched up, they all win a million dollars each. If not, then some people go home with love, others with a drinking problem, but all with no money. It is like college.

Trick is, no one knows if they spot lights are for them or not. This show just keeps getting more and more complicated. 

You may be thinking, I mean besides “why did you watch this show?”, “Kyle, 23 people? Shouldn’t there be an odd man out?” Yes! Some guy was good enough to be comparable to two women. While this may sound like a dream, it means one girl will be matched up with this dreamboat and the other girl will go home with nothing.  We know the extra girl is  Christina, but we do not know who the other girl is. If they find out Christina is a match with someone, the other girl goes home. If another girl gets matched up with guy before Christina gets to find out, then Christina goes home. 

Couples do not know if they are a true match unless they go into the Truth Booth. Basically, a white room with a lazer that “scans” the two people and tells everyone if they are a match are not. I could make fun of this but I love the truth booth.  If the couple is a match, they are sent to this honeymoon room away from everyone else. Which kind of sounds like a drag. “ Hey remember that parting you were doing? Yeah, well we found your match, you have to leave the fun and hang with this person full time. This show really preps people for life.

While all this could be handles by someone writing the answer on a card, MTV has money to blow on lasers, white rooms, and flight screen tv's. You also can't just not use the name "Truth Booth" once you have thought of it. 

Oh every week they have challenges. Three people usually win, get to pick someone to go on a date with. The people who go on dates have a magical time, while the others vote on which of those couples they want in the Truth Booth. 

If you are thinking "Kyle, this post was way too long. I didn't read it." Touche. Basically 23 people are trying to find their match with one another. There is drinking, heartbreak, competition, and a Truth Booth. It is basically the plot to any 80's movie. 

A recap will be up soon. Toodles.