We touched on this a little bit on this weeks podcast and I feel that it needs to be addressed more. It is not weird to think that an animated character is hot, by the way. It's almost cheating actually, because they can be drawn with the most attractive attributes. I am only gonna cover the classic Disney style cartoon princesses, because these new Frozen and Tangled (despite her being pictured above) chicks are on some other level shit. As always, in order from worst to first.
9. Pocahontas
Probably the easiest one to rank. She's a savage. If you watch this movie and are rooting for Pocahontas, think about what you are doing. Are you happy with your life right now? Do you like being able to read WhatSupTho on your smart phone while taking a shit? Well then you are happy that this bitch loses. Rooting for Poca and her stupid fucking family is rooting against the birth of America. But the worst part about this broad is that her best friend is a fucking raccoon. That is disgusting. Most disgusting creature on the planet and she is best friends with it.
8. Snow White
Eh. That's about it for Snow White. Just eh. In her defense, this movie was made in like the 1700s. She may have been the fairest one of all back then, but things are different now. This movie was way back before political correctness was a thing, I am actually surprised it wasn't called Snow White and the Seven Midgets.
7. Mulan
I'm pretty sure this movie is about her getting revenge for her dad or something. Revenge is pretty hot. On the other hand, the fact that she was able to convince an entire army that she was a man is not that hot. I know there is the stereotype about all Asians looking alike, but you should still be able to distinguish between male and female.
6, Tiana
The Jackie Robinson of Disney cartoons. Shattering the color barrier. You might be thinking I'm just doing the bachelor trick, keeping the black girl around for a few episodes to prove I'm not racist, but Tiana is awesome. She was also a hell of a cook, which is a huge plus. She does lose some points for being a frog though. Frogs are fucking gross.
5. Cinderella
The queen of the princesses barely cracking the top 5 may seem ridiculous, but it's just because the rest of the field is awesome. She certainly cleans up nice though. Though she may have to work on her ability to run in heals for me to really respect her.
4. Aurora
Possibly the prettiest of the group, but I'm not shallow and I know that she is also the laziest. I can't date a girl who sleeps all the time, because I need a girl who is gonna push me and make sure I'm not a lazy piece of shit. She would probably be able to put up with my snoring though, which not many women can.
3. Belle
It's no wonder that her name means beauty. Her looks have got no parallel. But this girl has got it all. She reads, and that is a big turn on. Girls who read are girls who can carry a conversation and have some brains in them. She also is a big fan of the fairy tale love stories, so we have that in common. She's not shallow, because she fell in love with a monster, and she turned down Gaston. No one says no to Gaston.
2. Ariel
I'm into red heads. The problem is that she is a mermaid. You want thingamabobs? She's got twenty. You want legs? She's got zero. Many people would like her human version, because she didn't have a voice, and then she can't bother you. But she was still able to woo Eric with the rest of her personality and Eric is a pretty cool dude. She wears the hell out of that seashell bikini too.
1. Jasmine
Never really a question about who was gonna be number one. A woman among girls. I would gladly share a whole new world with her.
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