Clark the Cub and I Meet Again!

A few years back I told the tale of one fateful afternoon where I ran into the best mascot in the the history of sports* Clark the Cub . Give it a read and I think you will understand how much that event impacted my life and made me the man I am today.

Until last Thursday, I had only seen Clark one other time. It wasn't at a Jewel in Aurora or some other random store that sells Beer, tampons, and starburst**, but at Wrigley Field. Yep, I was able to grab a picture with Clark on my birthday. We even had been exchanging messages like the best friends we are leading up to the event.

Literally Clark is in my top 10 of friends. I'm not going to do a power ranking of my friends yet, but if I have called you a friend or "friended" you on Facebook you probably aren't ahead of a man wearing a bear costume with no pants. Fact only. 

Yesterday was my third encounter with Clark and I feel I must share it with the world*** !

A week ago I found Cubs tickets for pretty cheap online and bought them. Not much of a story there, just saying it's April and people aren't chasing those Thursday night tickets just yet. Luck would have it that those tickets, that were mailed to me, never showed up. However, since I was in the city already I bought some more tickets. Basically living Rickie Rich's life minus the "dead" Mom.

As I walked into the Friendly Confines, I had two things on my mind. 1. I want food. 2. I would enjoy an adult beverage. 

While walking to achieve my goals, I saw my top 10 friend heading towards me. How Clark knew I was going to be there was beyond me. I haven't talked to him in a while, but figured he had stuff going on. Didn't want to bother him. I am a good friend, not a needy one. 

Doesn't matter, I was happy as fuck. 

Now, I panicked. Last time I met him we took a rad photo together. Obviously I can't take ANOTHER photo with him. That's dumb. We are on the level of high fives and hand shakes. However, with my friendships, I like to hug. 

So I took a step towards greeting my man Clark and noticed he had a baseball in his hand. What a class act! The guy likes to give out baseballs to people.

Getting a ball from Clark is like receiving the game ball from head coach Eric Taylor from Friday Night Lights. You have earned his respect and his friendship in that moment he tosses you the ball, two things you have wanted since you met him. 

This is where, an already drawn out story, gets strange. Clark motioned to toss me the ball. I was with my girlfriend at the time (yeah I have a girlfriend. It's pretty cool. Whatever.) and for a brief period I ignored her so I could catch this once in a lifetime opportunity. 

The ball came at me and I froze. I sucked in little league and was cut from high school baseball in the first round of cuts. I'm not good at things and especially not when there is a lot on the line. That wasn't stopping this ball coming at me and I was prepared to catch it and finally earn the respect from Clark and my girlfriend. 

Well, funny thing was Clark big leagued me.  The ball was attached to a string, attached to his paw. So the ball went right back to him and he kept walking in stride. 

So, a few things here:

1. How the hell did Clark attach a string to his paw? That's a lot of surgery to punk kids and grown men out. 

2. This was the second time Clark had a girl walking with him when I saw him. A different girl this time and you know Clark and these women have a thing on the side. This is now  the second of Clark care takers (new nickname for his girlfriends) that thought I was mentally challenged. Not a doubt in my mind. 

3. I'm not even mad.

Clark can do what he wants and I know I didn't earn that ball. Maybe next time I will get it, but maybe not. I can say in the day following the event, I have worked probably the hardest I have in about 3 months just so I can earn Clark's respect. Plus Clark is a Major Leaguer. Dude can do what he wants. Did anyone get mad at the many major leagues who took steriods****? No.

Anyway, my girlfriend laughed at me and I went on with my mission. Clark is still in my top 10 and I would say if this was MySpace he would be in my top 8. 

LYLAS.

*- This title is courtesy of a poll that was voted on before and after this article was written. Only one person could vote. 

**- I have never bought tampons at jewel, but I figured they have them.

***- Or whoever reads this blog. Whatever

****- Besides Congress, Owners, other players, and fans