Tips to not looking like this asshole who got rejected in front of his whole school

This poor idiot needs to transfer schools after being rejected while doing a "promposal" in front of his entire school. Here are a few tips to make sure this doesn't happen to you.

1. Don't do stupid shit like this if you aren't in a relationship. Sure, you can ask in a cute way but the only girls who expect this extravaganza bullshit are girlfriends who want to show off.

2. Don't let your heartbreak go viral.  Never ever do it in public. You may think that you are looking romantic and adorable but you look a little bit like a psycho and you are basically forcing them to say yes (except in this dudes case, obviously).

3. Maybe do a little fucking research and make sure she doesn't already have a prom date? Don't go balls to the wall unless it's gonna be a slam dunk.

To make this guy feel a little better, here is a couple more dudes getting rejected because they were stupid enough to make a scene out of asking people who aren't a sure thing.

Saddest man ever has to sell golf clubs because women are evil

I know we have been on a hiatus but I saw this today and it needs to be talked about. Whenever I feel down because of a girl, or realize that it may be realistic that I don't end up finding a bride or a girlfriend for that matter, I will forever remind myself of this guy and instantly feel better.

Notice how he throws in that he can sell a bag and a driver. Doesn't have any balls to sell, his wife took them.

This is seriously the saddest shit ever and what every guy feels. Listen, I am not gonna sit here and say that girls that try to control their boyfriends and make them better husbands are always in the wrong. If I ever meet a special girl, I 100% expect to have to change some things up in my life to make it a little better. But when it gets to this point it should be considered abuse. Can you imagine if this was a man forcing his wife to get rid of something he loved? He'd be thrown away for domestic abuse. We all have the friends that are in relationships that completely change them and take them away from the group. That is just part of growing up. But this dude isn't even pretending to me happy. This isn't all her fault, it is his fault as well. You gotta see the writing on the wall before you decide to actually put a ring on it. There is no way that this type of crazy just showed up after the honey moon. You made your bed by picking this vicious bitch, now you gotta either lay in it or get out now.

A little piece of advice on friendship. If there is a girlfriend in the group that completely has your friend by the balls and has changed his entire personality, it is up to you to speak up. I know that it isn't easy because you don't want him to get mad, but look at this poor sap selling his beloved golf clubs because his wife has taken his life away. They may not love that you don't approve of their spouse, but they will thank you later when they don't have a noose around their neck.

PS- I am close to selling my golf clubs, as well. Not because I have a bitch wife, but because I am the worst golfer of all time.

WhatSupTho Podcast : We're trying out best

We are back and this is only like 5 days late.

I have dropped the ball on updates lately. I have been compared to the guy who runs the Larkin Athletic twitter account. That is easily the worst comparison I have ever received, so here you go.

We talk about baseball, and address Ryan jinxing D Rose.

Comment and become famous like Riley Sadlon.

Hope is the worst

I know there are two responses after reading the headline:

1. Kyle is going to complain about his shitty teams again.
2. Finally, someone is commenting on how much Faith Ford's character killed the the show "Hope and Faith."

I will cover both because, unlike my favorite teams, I don't like letting people down.

Starting last September, I was pretty excited about what was about to happen. The Cubs were calling up some young talent and fans could finally see pieces of what the management was building for the last few years. The Bears were set to kick off and they were, according to some people, a dark horse Super Bowl Contender. The Illini, though still a few months off, were going to tip off soon and could remind people that U of I is a Basketball school.

Well, this has been a weird few months. The Bears had such a horrendous season that basically everyone was fired and now players are being traded away to try and erase the memories of whatever the hell that shit was. The Illini somehow managed to frustrate me, and many others, just as much as the Bears. The Cubs have actually made me happy, and they haven't played since September.

Were my hopes too high? Possibly. There were holes showing both those two teams flaws. The Bears, in their "important" third preseason game, looked looked lost going up against defending Super Bowl  Champion Seahawks. The Illini would go on to lose their Senior starting Point Guard Tracy Abrams. It was a wake up call that maybe this wouldn't be as great as I imagined. Why would I let my brain get in the way of my hopes?

The part that sucks is starting next month, the team I have the most hope for begins their season. I have  tempered my expectations for the Cubs (or at least tried to.) I think they will be competitive, but miss out on the playoffs. Kind of like how the 2007- 2008 Blackhawks would just miss out on the playoffs, but a lot of people knew that this was a team on the rise.

However, though 90% of me knows that Cubs will miss out on the playoffs, there is still a part of me thinking "what if."

Hope is a terrible thing. It can overshadow the little bits of success your team had because you expected more. It can ruin your day because you think your team should and could win every game. It can just ruin something as great as sports.

I still have hope though. I will always have it. Maybe the Bears can at least be competitive and not shit the bed. Maybe the top recruits will gel well with the experienced core coming back next year for Illinois and they can surprise some people. Maybe this time the Cubs will defy the critics and everything will work out. Maybe, just maybe, hope won't be the thing that ruins sports for me.

Unless Faith Ford ever shows her face to a game. She sucked in that show and I'm just the first to admit it.

Dress and Llamas or whatever

What a day for bloggers like me. Some llamas broke out of a zoo or something and ran around and everyone watched. Then some shitty photographer took a picture of a dress with a shitty camera and it made the colors look different. Wow. Some really interesting shit. Let's talk about it, because apparently we have to.

Llama video link.

Wow. Look at those llamas go. Looks like the emperor lost his groove again.


This stupid fucking news story (although pretty hilarious) led to the internet getting super annoying yesterday and the most annoying of all annoying internet sites got to make a "Which runaway llama are you?" quiz because of course they fucking did. Jesus.

Then you have this dress. This god damn dress that you've seen a billion times and will probably be made into the most popular Halloween costume come October because of who gives a shit.



Is it black and blue? Is it white and gold? Fuck you. Evidently science proved that it was black and blue so there you go. Fun is over.

The people who are freaking out about being annoyed by this are just as bad as the people posting them. This is gonna happen. The enemy is not the fucking llamas. The enemy is not the ugly dress. It's not the people who are posting too much, and it's not the people posting complaints. THE ENEMY IS BUZZFEED. Holy shit that is the worst site in the world. Go take a look at the site right now. It's vomit inducing. These two stories are pretty cool, but I can't help but hate them because of those fucking pieces of shit are over there "winning the internet" and "not believing what happens next". Fuck buzzfeed and those who visit it. While I'm at it, fuck Elite Daily too. It's just buzzfeed for pompous douche bags. Keep reading real sites by the real people. Keep reading WhatSupTho

WhatSupTho Podcast: The Gang is Back! Kind of...

So,  I wasn't lazy and decided to edit the video a little faster. You can also just watch last weeks and kind of marathon them. Your welcome for making you Friday better.

We talk about "The Club" , Basketball, movies, and humble bragging .

Comment if you want us to talk about something.

WhatSupTho Pdcast: Coming Off The Bye Week

Here is the latest podcast. I could be mad at myself for not posting it earlier, but I am not going to be. Youtube takes awhile to fix my edits and by the time it has done it has made me watch a lot of random videos that I forget who I am and what is going on.

Anyway, the guys talk about the latest "holiday" , why white college basketball players are the worst, and the progress of Fahey's beard.

Thanks to Kenny Wade for commenting. If you comment we can talk about your suggestion. If you don't, we don't have to do shit. Up to you. Lylas.

Klinsmann Has The Idea

The United States men's soccer team sucks in the work cup, why? Lack of talent, plain and simple. We might have a few good players but normally fail to even make it past the group stage and if we do make it past that's considered a successful run. Obviously soccer isn't our game but what happened in last year's world cup could be an example of how to make it our game and compete.

Last year the U.S's new coach Jurgen Hlinsmann had to shake up the team because he saw the U.S talent was poor. He went on to bring five new skilled players from Germany who have spent most of their lives living and playing overseas. There were also other players already on the team with dual citizenship.

This ultimately gave a spark on the team and they were able to make it past the "group of death" who no one expected would happen. They eventually fell to Belgium in a close game in one of the most exciting runs I have seen so far.

All you needed was the eye test and it was evident there as more skill on the field than previous world cups.

According to Inc magazine, 25% of today's newly started businesses in the United States are started by immigrants, and are two times more likely to start a business than native born citizens.

I think it's safe to say the good ole red white and blue are seriously lacking in talent and creativity when competing at the global scale.

As of right now it's very difficult for immigrants to get highly skilled work visas and even more difficult to maintain residency due to the political game in Washington. This results in U.S based tech companies having a hard time getting the best talent available and potential U.S immigrants going elsewhere. As a country we are losing the global game and need immigration reform.

If we weren't allowed to get these players on our U.S team we would have gotten murdered in the group stage.

In order for the United States to compete on a global scale and remain an economic power we need the best skilled people who just happen be non U.S citizens. It sucks but that's the reality.

Sure, we can keep our American pride of mediocrity and get our asses kicked in the group stage. Or we can compete on a global scale, swallow our pride and get these immigrants in here to kick some ass.

Murica

JRW lose Little League title because parents ruin everything

Remember these kids? Remember this summer when they made people without children under the age of 14 give a shit about Little League again? Hell, remember when they made Chicago give a shit about baseball again? Well since a few asshole adults cared too much about boys playing a boys game they are now being nationally shamed and have had their championship stripped of them.

We all know that parents suck. The worst part about being a coach (as I would imagine I will find out soon enough) is dealing with the parents. There are the parents who bitch about their kid not getting enough playing time when all their son is good for is picking the dandelions out of right field. There are the parents who take the game way too seriously and end up having to watch from the parking lot because they called the ump an asshole. Then there are the parents who make the game about them and end up making their children despise the sports that are supposed to be fun because they have way too much pressure on them. When you think about it, that's what this whole story has been about.

Take the Jackie Robinson West Little League. Evidently they have been expanding their boundaries in order to make a super team that can qualify for the Great Lakes Region every year and make it to Williamsport. These parents are blatantly cheating the rules of a sport that gives out fucking treat tickets at the end of each game so the kids can go get a fucking air head or a slush puppy (gotta get suicide slush or else you're a nerd). This is suppose to be a game for kids. I have often talked with my Little League teammates about how good we could have been if we combined the 3 leagues in my city, and of course we would have been studs, but it didn't mean that much to us. It was fun to play and I made a lot of amazing memories but if our parents would have gotten together to cheat just so we can play a few games on TV? What kind of message is that sending to the kids?

Then you have a guy like Chris Janes, who is the whistle blower and league official of Evergreen Park Little League. JRW beat his team by a score of 43-2 on their way through the state tournament. It might take the White Sox 30 games to score 43 runs and these kids did it in 4 innings. Coach Chris apparently didn't take kindly to this ass whooping given to him by 12 and 13 year olds, so he made it his life's work to go on a full CSI investigation on JRW, looking at birth certificates, voting registrations, all this unbelievable shit about a fucking child's baseball game. GROW THE FUCK UP! Even if you take away the kid who had to drive just a little bit further to make it to his baseball game, your team still would have lost by 30. How does this guy find the time to go all Hardy Boys on a baseball team of boys who haven't reached high school yet? Does spending that much time on this classify him as a pedophile? It should. Also, at least he doesn't look like a bigot or anything.


Now the title goes to that asshole team in Las Vegas with all of their prick players who yell at the coaches. Fuck those parents, too, for raising shitty bitchy children. Nice championship kids, you really earned it.

 By the way, when did we start giving championships that have been stripped to the second place teams? Does that mean the Illini are gonna get the 2005 championship that North Carolina had taken from them? Does Vince Young get Reggie Bush's Heisman Trophy? No, so fuck these kids.

In the end we know this doesn't really matter. The kids still got to have a parade, go to the White House, get honored all across the city and will always have the memories of who really won those games. It is just a shame that these little boys who just wanted to play a boys game have to go through all of this when the people who are really at fault are the asshole adults who put way too much pressure on their kids in the first place. Sports are supposed to be fun, and somewhere along the way we lose sight of that. At least my boy Trey Hondras has something else to talk to the ladies about now.

Budweiser at a full on war with craft beer

This Super Bowl, Budweiser stole our hearts for the gazillionth time with the newest version of the Clydesdale and puppy commercial. It's gotten to the point where I don't understand why other businesses even try to compete. They are the best at advertising year after year. However, it was Budweiser's commercial that really warmed my heart. 

"The people who drink our beer are the people who like to drink beer"

Pretty much just coming out and saying that you are a pussy if you don't drink Budweiser. Those who drink Budweiser are on a whole different drinking level than everyone else, but we don't need to be snooty about it. Just give me the golden suds, not trying to dissect what goes into it and sniff it or whatever the fuck those craft losers do. 

Well in a typical craft beer snob move, those nerds didn't take to kindly to Budweiser telling the world what everyone knows. Apparently they had a problem with how their people were portrayed in the commercial. I think they were pretty spot on. Now there is a bunch of backlash from these pussies, including a liquor store that's letting their customers exchange Bud for craft beer. They call the promotion "Craft for Crap". They went all the way back to 2nd grade and brought back the word "crap". That's just the type of people we are dealing with here I guess.

So now we are at war, and I am ready. Put me on the front fucking lines. I'll be the Bud's top soldier. Soon Brad Cooper will be acting out my story in the Oscar nominated film "American Drinker". If those snooty craft bitches want a war (which they shouldn't) then they have one. 

PS- Apparently they are super happy that craft beer sells more than Budweiser now. No shit, there is a million craft beer brands and they are trying to compete with one beer. 

New Favorite Vine/ Scene in a Movie/ Thing Tom Cruise has done

I love a select few things in this world and one of those things is my Alma Mater, the University of Illinois at Urban-  Champaign.

Ever since I have graduated, I traveled down to my favorite part of Illinois plenty of times. Sometimes it is for work, sometimes it is for drinking, sometimes it's a mixture of both work and drinking (this is more likely). Whenever I know I am traveling down, I don't need extra motivation. I look forward to it all week and, like a kid on christmas morning, I wake up the day of my trip down to central Illinois full of anticipation on what is about to come.

Well, last night, I saw a vine posted on twitter from an Illinois Sports Blogger that  now be posted every time I travel down to U of I



The scene comes from the Tom Cruise classic "Risky Business. "From what I remember from the movie I watched on Cinemax (more like Skin-e-max!) when I was 11, Cruise has the house to himself, his friend calls him a square, he gets a prostitute, prostitute steals his stuff, hilarity ensues . Booger from Revenge of the Nerds is in it too. Well, my new favorite quote in movies was set up after Tom realizes that his last ditch effort to get into an Ivy league school has been for nothing and he will not make it in.

(Check out the full scene here)

I saw a comment saying, "I wonder if this ruins a degree from Illinois." It doesn't. The scene is rad. Illinois is rad. Ivy league is not rad . Like George Washington, I cannot tell a lie.

Vine provided by Robert

WhatSupTho Podcast: Burps and Farts

Happy Super Bowl week. Tyler is in Arizona promoting the brand/ eating in and out burger. The show must go on though. The guys talk about the big game, dictionaries , young authors , and a possible t-shirt line.

Comment if you want a shout out. You can also suggest things we could talk about. Stay tuned this week for the Pickem Podcast. 

Lylas  

Link to YouTube if it isn't working.

R.I.P Mr. Cub: A true baseball hero

As a Cubs fan, I have thought of what it would be like to go my whole without seeing the Cubs win it all. It is a sad thought, but it isn't unrealistic . In the end though, whether the Cubs win or lose, they don't owe me anything. I am a fan who gets mad at the smallest thing like a strike out in the fifth inning of a game in May.

If there was anyone the Cubs owed anything to, whether a World Series win or all the respect in the world, it was Ernie Banks. The man who played the most games ever without playing in the post season, the man who was a walking legend around Chicago, the man who was shown constantly with a smile on a face. He was basically the definition of a Baseball hero, whether for his effort, dedication, or positive attitude even when the cards seemed to be stacked against him. 

I don't have a great story about meeting Ernie. I, like many Cubs fans around my age, grew up on stories about Ernie playing at Wrigley and how he made even the worst Cubs teams watchable. After reading many stories on twitter, reddit, etc. , it is a shame I could never meet a man that is credited for his attitude  just as much as his stats. 

There is no doubt 2015 will be dedicated to #14 and the Cubs first Double Header at Wrigley will be unofficial Ernie Banks day. 

R.I.P Mr. Cub.

WhatSupTho Podcast: Better than the Superbowl

The guys are back! Except Ryan. Classic Ryan.

Things such as the Packers latest loss, the Cubs Convention, the greatest movies of the past week and Kyle's amazing pitching skills were talked about.

Also, someone was able to win in our weekly "Comment on our shit and you will be mentioned" sweepstakes . You can win next week, but you need to comment.

Lylas

First graders show us what friendship is really about

Every single one of these videos absolutely ruins me. Cancer is the worst thing in the world. It's brutal, it's unfair, and it is absolutely devastating at any age. The only thing worse than cancer is when it happens to a child. Every once in a while the internet gets its hands on an incredible story like this to remind us that seeing the world through the eyes of a child is the best way to look at things. We all get caught up in our stupid shit like a bad day at work, our sports teams losing, or a bad traffic jam. This kid gets cancer and goes at it with a positive attitude, which he is able to do because he has the best friendship in the world. I am lucky enough to have an amazing group of friends that I would do anything for, but sometimes it takes videos like this to make me realize that I have to be there for them no matter what, even when the world kicks me in the balls.

YouTube link if it doesn't work.

Text your friends right now and tell you that you love them. Don't take the little shit too seriously, because even though you might be having "one of those days" this kid is having "one of those lives".

Rose Before Hoes- Bachelor Recap 1/19

First of all, fuck you ABC. Don’t plug your shows right in my face like this. I love Jimmy Kimmel and think he is the funniest of all of the late night hosts, but I don’t need him to come on and make a joke out of this show. The fun of watching “The Bachelor” is that it is a complete joke in itself. It’s an awful TV show that nobody takes seriously other than the people that are on it. Don’t ruin it for us by letting us know it’s just a big joke to you as well.

That being said, Kaitlyn’s date was the most real date I have ever seen on the show. I’m not just saying this because she is easily my favorite contestant and I might actually be in love with her (seeing them sick made me actually jealous). But the reason you see all of these couples break up, besides the fact that they met on a reality show where one of them dated 20 people at once, is that they are used to dates with fucking helicopters and private concerts and shit. The Costco trip is some shit what an actual couple will be doing. Whether or not it’s a famous Jimmy Kimmel, there will be some guy friends that come around and make shit awkward and Kaitlyn fit right in with them. If this doesn’t go a long way for Chris realizing she’s a keeper, he’s just as stupid as the concept of this show. I would gladly take her off his hands.

I fucking hate Jillian and her stupid “I work out” attitude. Do you have anything else about your personality? Because that’s all you’ve talked about since being here.

I would never make it to this goat milk challenge, as I break the yolk of about 80% of the eggs I crack. I like this Carly girl who won the hoe down, but I really hope she has a reaction to her lactose intolerance while on the date.

Chris Soules? More like Kiss Soules.

Hmmm… they have a conversation about meeting strangers and being able to make friends. Then there is a wedding that they decide to crash. This doesn’t feel set up does it? Just goes to show you that anything can happen on “Reality TV” as long as the producers set it up perfectly.

His abs weren’t THAT ripped…

Holy shit Juelia is still here? Also, bringing up her husband’s suicide at a pool party was a bold move. Now what is he supposed to do? Go do another cannonball? This is some really sad shit. Do you know how hard of a time that baby is gonna have growing up with a name like “Ireland”?

Ashley I. might be just as crazy as Ashley S. Must run in the name.


Farewell to- Tracy (call me), Amber (text me), and whoever the blonde girl was (see ya around).

PS- I am murdering my Bachelor bracket right now. I've done nothing but lose money on sports over the few months, but when it comes to reality love shows? I'm filthy stinkin' rich.

WhatSupTho Podcast : Gay for Bidets

So we are back with another Podcast. Some early highlights:

- Ryan has a great story

- Brian has a weird habit

- Colin may or may not be ready for the NFL

- Kyle talks

- Tyler may or may not throw up.

We are still holding the contest of whoever comments will get a shout out on the podcast. Also, if you own a company, we would like you to be our sponsor.

Lyals

I'm totally gay for the Green Bay Packers

I am gay.

I am in a relationship with the Green Bay Packers.

• I love them unconditionally, and would never turn my back on them if they needed me.
• We have our fights like any other couple. I curse, I throw shit. It gets a little heated.
• When they piss me off, I talk shit and complain about them to my closest guy friends.
• But when someone else talks shit, I get defensive like a battered woman. "You don't know them like I know them"
• I have pictures of them all over my apartment and bedroom.
• They make me so nervous that I can't really eat around them. I get super gassy during games, but I would never shit in front of them.
• They can bring me to tears and completely ruin my whole week.
• After a playoff loss (a breakup of sorts) you can find me eating ice cream on my couch and weeping.
• Our relationship has yet to get physical, but let's face it, Jordy Nelson could get it.

• I support them by wearing their gear everywhere to let people know they're my team, much like a wearing your boyfriend's letter jacket.
• I sleep in a Packer blanket, so it's kinda like we are snuggling every night, only they never complain about my snoring.
• Sometimes I think about other teams, but it doesn't mean anything to me.
• I don't want to sound possessive, but I do technically own them.

What's that? I love them and they don't love me in return? 6 straight trips to the playoffs, 4 consecutive NFC North Championships, and 1 Super Bowl say differently. 

So there you have it, I am super gay. Gay as they come. I absolutely love this team, and I am going to be absolutely crushed when we inevitably lose in Seattle next week. But this win, controversial catch reversal or not, was sweet. I laughed, I cried, I loved. Go Pack Go! 

Divisional Round + National Championship Pick'em Podcast

If you've been following my picks all year, you probably hate me and are very poor. But trust me, I don't miss in the playoffs (would have gone 1-3 last week if I did a blog). After a 64-84-2 regular season I am here with a little help form Colin. Whether or not you are a gambler, enjoy the games this weekend, because there is very little football left to be played. For the love of god cherish it.

Link if it's not working.

WhatSupTho Podcast 1/8/15

First podcast of the new year. We talk shitty weather, Tyler's hot date, attending your girlfriend's stupid activities, sports, locker room etiquette, and the perks of being old as hell. Be sure to tune in next week, and look out for the Pick'em Podcast this weekend.

Check out the bonus video below, where Tyler tries to include his date on the podcast, while driving in a Michigan snow storm. Love is in the air.

Link for if your phone isn't working.

Tyler's wonderful first date

Bachelor Blog- 3 Hour Premiere

Whether you are in a Bachelor fantasy league, you are a middle aged woman who is excited to see relationships more dysfunctional than yours, or just a basic bitch, you are most definitely excited that the Bachelor is back. Instead of doing my usual live tweeting, I will be sparing my non-bachelor followers by just jotting down some notes and sharing my thoughts on the episode in a weekly recap blog.

Since it's the first episode and it was 3 long hours long, this will be a bit lengthier than any blogs in the future. So at the risk of making this any longer, let's get started.

The Bachelor


The man himself. "Prince Farming" said himself that he "can't believe he's the next Bachelor". What a coincidence, Chris, neither can I. Not only were you soft as hell, but there were two incredible contestants that Andi turned down last year that would have been perfect. Brian, who was the most normal, scarfless dude in Bachelor history, and Martel, who was a smooth fan favorite that FINALLY would have brought real diversity to the show. Instead, they went with the farmer, which you know they are going to pound into our heads all season. The amount of times we are gonna hear "Can you picture yourself living in Iowa" is already making me sick. I do gotta admit though, as the show went on he did seem pretty normal.

The hour long red carpet preview

I hate that they do this. Recently, they have been trying to get Chris Harrison on screen more often, which is just terrible. This guy has had the easiest job on the planet, exaggerating the drama of each rose ceremony, telling the Bachelor that he only has one rose left even though it's pretty obvious, because roses aren't hard to count. For some reason, this guy acts like he has the most important job on the planet and the extra time he's getting is making the show damn near impossible to watch. The real reason this first hour sucked was the interview with Nikki (Juan Pablo's ex). A year ago, JP and Nikki didn't say they love each other or get engaged on screen, after a full 4 months of dating each other. Can you believe the nerve? Harrison can't let this shit go for some reason, was a huge asshole on the final show that year, wouldn't shut up about it last year, and apparently STILL hasn't let it go. Your show is a joke, Chris. Give up your creepy obsession with Juan Pablo and move on. Nikki did an excellent job answering his leading questions without trashing her ex's name. Also, good to know she's single now. Feel free to give me a call, Nikki.

Contestants (1st wave)- Just a few thoughts

Britt, 27, Waitress
    Britt let us know that she didn't have sex with her last boyfriend. Can you imagine dating a girl this pretty and not being able to have sex? That would be impossible. This girl was super into hugs, including one that lasted about 10 minutes when she first got out of the limo. A 10 minute hug that was filled with inexplicable tears. She seemed a little off to me, but she wrapped Chris up with those eyes of hers and earned the first impression rose. Definite favorite moving forward. By the way, the first impression rose makes for some fantastic television. Everybody else pretending to be happy for her but secretly saying "lucky bitch" under their breath.

Jillian, 28, News Broadcaster
 Jillian is pretty, but girls who don't stop talking about working out are the second worst kind of people (the first being guys who don't stop talking about working out). She could not stop talking about her muscles or beating chicks up. Shut the hell up.

Amanda, 24, Ballet Instructor
 Crazy eyes likes to live at home because she doesn't like to cook, clean, or pay bills. Wow, good luck with life on the farm, sweetheart. She swears, which is cool, but that secret admirer shit was weird. I just tried to open my eyes that wide for like 5 seconds and they started watering.

Whitney, 29, Fertility Nurse
 I got love for Chi Town, and her dog was absolutely adorable. At first I thought fertility nurse meant like a lady who helps deliver babies and I thought that was pretty cool. When I found out that she was filling vaginas with sperm I thought that was disgusting. You gotta be careful with girls who work with babies too, because guess what they are going to want right away? Plus she had a baby voice, which is terrible.

Mackenzie, 21, Dental Assistant
 Mackenzie is a mother who didn't waste any time pointing out that she "would rather hang out with her kid than go out with her friends". Good for you, somebody get this chick a "Mother of the Year" award. Oh wait, she left her kid for potentially 3 months to go on a tv show? Never mind.

Alissa, 24, Flight Attendant
 This girl was very stupid. I guess you can see her head was up in the clouds.

Kelsey, 28, School Counselor 
 Widow. So, so sad. But you know what they say, the best way to get over a dead person is to get under an alive person who's also dating 29 girls at the same time. Jokes aside, this girls got a shot at going far.

Trina, 33, Special Ed Teacher
 This is an excellent job. Any special ed teacher has the ability to be a fantastic mom because they have all the patience in the world but they still know how to make children who can be particularly difficult listen.

Megan, 24, Make up artist
 A beautiful makeup artist, probably naturally pretty, right? No need to get to know this one, no real shot.

Ashley I, 26, Freelance Journalist
 Freelance journalism. Is that like a blogger? Because I heard all bloggers are real keepers.

Reegan, 28, Sells Human Tissue
 She brought a fake heart out of the limo. I understand that you gotta make a good first impression but what the hell was she thinking?

Tara, 26, Fishing Enthusiast
 I wouldn't even swipe right on Tinder for this broad. That thing where she brought 2 outfits was fucking weird. I love country girls but not ones who have to constantly try to prove it. Then she got super drunk, acted like a total jackass, and somehow still got a rose. Is this the first time in bachelor history that the drunk got through to the next round?

Amber, 29, Bartender
 Bartender from Chicago who looks like that? Yeah. Chances are I've tipped her entirely too much money at one point in my life.

Nikki, 26, Ex NFL Cheerleader
 So she was a cheerleader, now she isn't. Is she retired at 26? No other job to list? Hmmm... real winner.

Ashley S, 24, Lucky Penny Bitch
 I missed what she did, but she did that weird shit with putting a lucky penny in Chris's shoe. At first it seemed like a desperate attempt to make an impression. Nope, she is just bat shit crazy. Freaking out about onions or papayas or whatever the hell it was. Stalking the second wave of girls as they came in. Makes for good television, I wonder why he kept her around.

Kaitlyn, 30, Dance instructor
 After that first impression, I would have sent her immediately to the final 4. She comes on with a hilarious sex joke. "Oh you've got some glitter on you. WHO IS SHE?!?" was a fantastic joke. Pretending to be crazy jealous when entering a show like this is hilarious. If her and Chris don't work out, I will gladly take her. Beautiful and hysterically funny is a perfect mix.

Suspenseful Waiting for the Second Wave

This is what the Bachelor has come to? So desperate for new drama that they think they are being edgy and cool by separating limos for a few hours? Who gives a shit? How does this matter? The only thing that makes this different is that the last few limos are at a huge disadvantage for not getting nearly as much time with Chris. As pointless and over dramatized as it was, it made for fantastic TV. Watching the first set of girls freak out and get crazy jealous is exactly the type of craziness that we crave when we watch this show.

Contestants (2nd Wave)

Samantha, 27, Fashion Designer
 More like Smokemantha. That's all I have on Samantha.

Michelle, 25, Cake Designer
 I feel like as a cake designer she almost had to make a cake with little figures of her and Chris on the top as her first impression. Blown opportunity, Michelle. That's on you.

Juelia, 30, Eutheirst
 Can't spell her name. Can't spell her profession.

Becca, 26, Chiropractic Assistant
 If this is what chiropractic assistants look like, then I am not exactly sure why people with scoliosis are complaining. More of a blessing than a back problem.

Tandra, 30, Executive Assistant
 Power move showing up on a motor cycle all Daughters of Anarchy like. Seems like she might be kind of a bad ass. Even the name sounds pretty trashy. Unfortunately for Tandra, Chris is a pussy and can't handle her.

Jordan, 24, Student
 College student who shows up with whiskey. Where's the first impression rose when you need it?

Nicole, 31, Real Estate 
 Showing up in a pig nose was weird. Everything about her was a little off. I have gone on the record to say that I love redheads but I hate this chick.

Brittany, 26, Aspiring WWE Diva
 This chick wants to be in the WWE (red flag) but then when crazy ass Ashley came up to confront her she just bitched out and backed off Chris. Good luck against Chyna (or whoever the women wrestlers are now) when you can't even deal with onion chick.

Carly, 29, Cruise Ship Singer
 A girl with a good singing voice is a major plus, because she won't be too shy to go up and karaoke the shit out of a duet with you. Even if you completely butcher Aladdin's part, you know all the guys will still be jealous when she just brings down the house as Jasmine.

Tracy, 29, 4th grade teacher
 If this girl taught at elementary school I work at she would not be on this show. She would have fallen in love with the charming gym teacher by now and we would be happily going to dates at places like Applebee's and Noodles & Co. I seriously love this woman.

Bo, 25, Plus sized model
 Good for you for coming on the show, Bo. That took a lot of courage. I am not saying she is not pretty, and I am not saying she isn't awesome because she totally could be. But look around at the competition. They may be completely empty headed but that's just not how these shows work. I'm not trying to be an asshole, I realize it isn't fair. All I'm saying is the "1-10 scale" is the only scale that these other girls will ever be higher than Bo on.

Kimberly, 28, Yoga
 There are just too many girls to have thoughts on all of them.

Kara, 25, Soccer Coach
 That accent is entirely too strong.

Jade, 28, Who gives a shit
 HOLY SHIT! STOP THE FIGHT! Here's a live look at my reaction when she got out of the limo.

Rose Ceremony

When they kept showing the preview of Chris walking away in the rose ceremony, was I the only one who thought it was because he had to take a shit? That would be awesome. However, it was because he was soft as hell about Tara's drunk ass. Not dramatic at all, just a big lame let down. The fact that he stuck with the crazy chick AND the drunk chick was entertaining. Can you imagine being one of the girls he rejected when he picked those two? Being sent home night one might be one of the more devastating things in reality TV, but being sent home while these two clowns get to stay? How can you go back to your hometown and look people in the eye? Also, it comes off a little crazy that the Kimberly chick went back in after getting sent home, but I don't blame her. She was way better than a handful of those girls.

"Here for the right reasons" Count- 1

Rejected

Crazy Eye Amanda, Pig Nosed Nicole, Fake Accent Kara, and Can't Handle Rejection Kimberly


Next weeks will be much shorter, I promise.