Killed an unarmed squirrel with my car. No media outburst?

Early this morning as I was driving my friends home from the bar where we had spent the night drinking and listening to rock music, I hit and killed a squirrel with my car. The squirrel did not appear to be armed, and the autopsy would should that the squirrel was actually running from my car in an effort not to be hit. Did this receive national media attention? Hell no! Have Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton showed up to Elgin to speak on the squirrels behalf? Not even close. To my knowledge, President Obama hasn't had a press conference or even addressed the issue. Nobody has resorted to rioting or even demanded justice for this squirrel. If it were a white Rav4 and I had hit a raccoon everybody would throw a big stink, but because my car is black nobody seems to talk about it.

Now obviously I am joking here, other than the part about the squirrel dying RIP. But the thing is, there are a shitload of you out there who have posted, shared, or liked links saying that people don't care about black on white crime. If you are one of those people, then fuck you. More than half of those links have a picture of the killer in that case, and it is almost always a mug shot because they have been convicted. The national spotlight and outrage comes because these white people are getting away with killing unarmed black children. Even if you believe Darren Wilson's story, in which he was able to handle all of the evidence for some fucking reason, you have to at least admit that he should be put on trial? Come on. Not the point I am trying to make though. No, not all crime gets this type of coverage. Yes, sometimes that crime can be black on white. That doesn't even compare to the amount of black on black crime that doesn't get reported, but once again that's not the point. If you can't understand why stories like Michael Brown or Trayvon Martin's need a lot of media attention then you are blissfully ignorant about the amount of racism that still takes place in this country. I won't post it because it is too upsetting and graphic, but if you want, check out this video of a Cleveland cop shooting a 12 year old with a BB gun. They shot him within seconds of arrival. The 911 call actually said "I don't think the gun is real but I want someone to check it out". Check it out doesn't really mean come shoot this kid to death as soon as you pull up to the situation. THIS IS A PROBLEM IN THE COUNTRY AND STORIES LIKE THIS NEED THE NATIONAL MEDIA OUTBURTS AND THE ATTENTION FROM EVERYBODY. FUCK YOU IF YOU CAN'T SEE THAT.

Whatever, I don't have business talking about this. I am not smart. But I just can't comprehend the ignorance I see on my social media every day. Just watch this Jon Stewart clip. He is better than I am.

If you're on your phone, here is the Daily Show link.

Week 13 Pick'em

As some of you may know, I am actually back in the gambling game, so these picks are for real this time. I know I say that I am going to "start trying" just about every week, but this is for real this time. This is like when the MLB All-star game starting counting for home field advantage for the World Series. It was shitty before, now it counts for something, but will most definitely still be really shitty and will make you want to look away if you are stupid enough to be paying attention to them. Also the last regular season fantasy week for a lot of teams, so it's a big week. Alright enough wasting time, let's win some money together.

San Diego at BALTIMORE -6.5

Both teams are 7-4 and their playoff hopes are very much alive. Hopefully one of the few good games this week. I no longer believe in Rivers. The Ravens are better than I have given them credit for. The fact that I dropped Forsett in a league where I am extremely thin at running back was mind-blowingly stupid. Chargers suck on the east coast.

Cleveland at BUFFALO -3.5

The Bills get to go back to Buffalo and actually play for their home fans, who have a lot to rally behind with the blizzard. If you have watched the Browns at all this year you would not understand how they are 7-4. As much as I like the Browns (second favorite team, everybody knows this) I really think they are a bad football team that wins bad games.

Tennessee at HOUSTON -7

I am hammering these home favorites right now. That's how you know I will be losing all my money. The Texans are bad, the Titans are REALLY bad.

Washington at INDIANAPOLIS -8.5

Lock of the Week. RGIII finally got benched. Subway dropped him, which is incredibly sad because they have Jay fucking Glazer trying to sell people sandwiches. Getting benched for Colt McCoy is funny. Getting benched for Jay Glazer is overkill.

NEW YORK GIANTS -2.5 at Jacksonville

Look at these fucking games. Stop reading and scroll up. Do you want to watch any of those games? Do you even want their updates showing up if you are watching RedZone? So bad.

CAROLINA +2.5 at Minnesota

Please refer to my description on the last game.

New Orleans at PITTSBURGH -3.5

The Steelers were looking fantastic, then they lost to the Jets and barely beat the Titans. Luckily for them they have the Saints who suck, especially in the cold, and they may have been able to use the bye to clean things up. God damn the NFC South sucks.

Oakland at ST LOUIS -6

I kept saying all year the Raiders wouldn't win a game. They did it last Thursday, which is a punk move because I didn't get the opportunity to bet against them. St. Louis has had some pretty tragic shit going on, something to rally around in my opinion. Not that they need to against this horrible Raiders team.

CINCINNATI -5.5 at Tampa Bay

Don't think the Bucs have won at home yet this season. Don't think they will win at home. I spell Cincinnati wrong every week. Just throwing n's and t's everywhere.

ARIZONA -1.5 at Atlanta

I was offended for the Cardinals last week when they were huge dogs to Seattle (even though I still picked Seattle). This is even more insulting for them. Not even giving 2 points to the Falcons? The odds makers are just bullying Arizona right now.

NEW ENGLAND +2.5 at Green Bay

"Brian you are just being your pessimistic self here. You're the worst Packer fan." No, fuck you. I just don't think anyone is stopping the Patriots right now. I know the Packers are hot too. If I have to hear about that fucking "R-E-L-A-X" quote one more time I am going to P-U-K-E. But we easily could have lost to the Vikings last week. This could be a Super Bowl preview, which would be a sexy super bowl. I just don't think there is anyone in the league who can cover Gronk, and if there is, he most certainly is not on the Green Bay Packers.

DENVER +1 at Kansas City

I wrote earlier this week about Eric Berry's tragic cancer diagnosis. I would love for the Chiefs to rally behind him and get a win at home here against the Broncos. Unfortunately, I think losing him will be too big of a blow for this defense. I also remembered that the Chiefs lost to the Raiders last week, which no team was supposed to do all season. I hope I am wrong on this one, but I almost never am.

MIAMI -7 at New York Jets

Bad feeling about this one actually. I can totally see the Jets winning this game somehow. But I am not stupid enough to ever actually bet on them.

Last Week- 5-9
Overall- 30-48
Lock of the Week- 1-5

For those of you who are wondering. My "Lock of the Week" means that I am 100% sure on that pick for the week. I am 16.67% correct when I am 100% sure.

Thanksgiving Dinner Power Rankings

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I hope that you all had a quick recovery from your hangovers this morning and got to enjoy a great day of family, blowout football, and delicious food. One of the top ranked holidays in my opinion, and it really is all about that dinner. Every year we see Thanksgiving episodes of our favorite sitcoms and it always involves a disaster at the end in which the food gets burnt and ruined, but in the end the characters stick together and have a good time anyway. Well I say fuck that. If even one side dish of your Thanksgiving dinner is executed poorly, then you just wasted a holiday because your turkey day is ruined.



I am not going to say that this is a "definitive list" because we aren't fucking Buzzfeed, but I will say that this ranking of Thanksgiving dinner items is incredibly accurate. If you tell me you disagree with this list than really all you're doing is admitting that you have bad taste and that my pallet is far more sophisticated than yours.

8. Cranberry Sauce


I don't care if it's homemade or from the can, cranberry sauce is the worst part of your Thanksgiving dish. I am not gonna sit here and say that I don't eat it. Sometimes you need something a little sweet to counter everything else you got going on with your plate. But the only real reason you put it on your plate is because it is just part of the meal. It's like saying what you are thankful for. Nobody really wants to do it, but it is part of the process so you just get through it and then you move on to the good stuff. Nobody ever gets seconds of cranberry sauce. Can you name another day of the year where you eat cranberry sauce? No, you can't, because it sucks.

7. Brussel Sprouts 

One year ago I never would have gone near this dish. You grow up watching cartoons that paint brussel sprouts in the same nightmarish light as spinach. It's just one of those things you aren't supposed to like. Surprisingly, these are pretty good. The low ranking isn't a knock at the taste, but honestly if my mom decided not to make them next year I probably wouldn't notice.


6. Stuffing

Does anyone even really know what the fuck this is?


5. Sweet Potato Casserole
 
Nice to have. Once again, a little sweetness to switch things up is important. I go back and forward on sweet potatoes, and I think my only real beef with them is that sweet potato fries are one of the most overrated foods out there. This is a solid dish, no real complaints about it, but it is forgettable.

4. Pie

Not always a dessert guy, but I will take a good pie over a slice of cake any day. I hesitated to even put this on the list as part of Thanksgiving dinner, because what usually happens (today was no exception) is I stuff my fat face with all of the other food and can't even think about adding a slice of pie to the batch of self hatred I have just sent through my digestive system. I end up passing out and it isn't until after I wake up from my food coma that I can even think about having dessert.

3. Turkey

Turkey may have made the top 3, but it is embarrassing that the food that is the face of the holiday to not even crack top 2. Turkey is the most overrated meat ever. Whether we are talking lunch meat or bird style (or whatever you call the Thanksgiving way) it is always lacking in flavor. You won't ever see me dumping gravy all over my ham just so that I can get it down. Turkey is like the old woman of meats, pretty boring and typically dry.

2. Mashed Potatoes

So damn good. I could eat this for every meal and I really don't think I would get sick of it. Lumpy or smooth. Cheesy or not. Gravy or no gravy. Doesn't matter if you're a young buck or an old fuck, you're gonna be able to eat it no matter how many teeth you have. Anyone who doesn't have mashed potatoes over the rest of this stuff is insane and might want to think about checking themselves in to an asylum.

1. Corn Souffle

I think this dish might be a little rare, so really I would say mashed potatoes are the king of Thanksgiving, but this is just too good to not have at number 1. Hard to really describe how good it is. I mentioned that I would eat mashed potatoes for every meal? Well have you ever seen Se7en when the fat guy was forced to eat until he died? I would eat this until I died, and I wouldn't need a serial killer to force me to do it. Best thing in the world, and I'm already drooling at the thought of having leftovers tomorrow.