Week 12 Pick'em

I want to get back in the gambling game so badly, but I am just getting destroyed in these pick'ems. If I still had a bookie, I would be losing more money than I make as a part-time teacher for sure. However, it can't stay this bad forever, so if there was any time to start gambling it would be now, because I have to start trending upwards soon, right? Right?

Cleveland at ATLANTA -3

I know Gordon is back and that is huge. But as much as it hurts me to admit, the Browns might be a fraud team. I know Atlanta is awful. Awful defense, awful offensive line. But they have new life. Somehow they are leading this pathetic division and their season matters again. They have a reason to play games now, and for that reason I am going with them.

Tampa Bay at CHICAGO -4

As awesome as it would be for Lovie to come back and beat the team that fired him after a 10 win season, Chicago really isn't as bad as they play. Trestman absolutely needs to win this game if he wants to keep his job. The Bears released a statement after firing Lovie, saying they expect to contend and they need to make the playoffs in order to do that. How's that been working out? Still, they are too talented to lose at home to this awful team. They will win by 21 and Bears fans will think there is reason to still give a shit, even though their playoff hopes are all but demolished.

Cincinnati at HOUSTON -2.5

Can't wait until JJ Watt gets exposed as a juiced up cheating piece of shit. He's the poster boy of the NFL right now and he's a fucking roided up asshole. He can catch as many touchdowns and recover as many fumbles as he wants for now, but he's gonna get exposed for who he really is and then the NFL will look like a bunch of idiots (as they always do) for trying to rally behind a player like this. Andy Dalton sucks. That's my analysis.

Jacksonville at INDIANAPOLIS -13.5

A lot of points but Jacksonville is so bad. So so bad. Andrew Luck is good after a loss.

GREEN BAY -7.5 at Minnesota

Lock of  the Week. The Packers are not the same team away from Lambeau. This is a division rivalry game. This is all true. But it doesn't matter right now. The defense is coming around, the offense is nearly unstoppable. Packers route. The worst part of this game is I have to go to fucking Buffalo Wild Wings by myself to watch the game.

DETROIT +7.5 at New England

Pats are probably definitely the best team in the league when Gronk is healthy. The guy can't be stopped. But Detroit has the best front 7 in the league and we have seen what happens to Tom Brady when you can put pressure on him. To quote Stephen A, he tap dances better than the late great Gregory Hines. The offensive line better be ready or it could be a big shocker in Foxborough.

TENNESSEE +12.5 at Philadelphia

Eagles win by 10. 12.5 is too much. Mark Sanchez is still Mark Sanchez. Packers might have murdered this team last week. They won't lose at home to a shitty Titans team, but I hate lines this big.

ST LOUIS +5.5 at San Diego

The Rams actually aren't that bad. Phillip Rivers was great to start off the year but he is completely falling back into shitty Phillip. The Rams pulled off a shocker last week, why not again this week?

Arizona at SEATTLE -7.5

I have been saying all week that this line is insulting. The Cardinals at 9-1 and still are this big of underdogs in a division game? Didn't they win in Seattle last year? They will never get the respect they deserve. That being said, I am going with the Seahawks even though they don't have a passing game. If Seattle loses this game they will have a tough time making the playoffs, so this game is a lot bigger for them than it is for the Cards, who have a 2 game lead in the conference, and 3 game lead in the division. May not believe in their quarterback, but I do believe in the 12th man.

MIAMI +6.5 at Denver

The Broncos can't run the ball, so if Julius Thomas isn't playing, I don't think their offense will be able to do what they do. Miami's defense is special, and if you look at Denver over the last 3 games it hasn't been pretty. Even that huge win against the Raiders, they started really slow.

Washington at SAN FRANCISCO -9.5

Lol RGIII. Remember when it was between him and Andrew Luck? Like, that was an actual conversation? What a fucking joke. 49ers are kind of in the same boat as the Seahawks. They can't lose this game. They need to keep winning if they want to make the playoffs (so that Kaepernick can destroy the Packers once again).

DALLAS -4.5 at New York Giants

How does Eli have 2 rings? I really need to know. They were still in that game last week somehow and Eli threw 5 fucking picks? They won't be so fortunate this week. There's gotta be something I don't know, because there is no way this line should only be 4.5. Did Dez Bryant die or something and I just don't know about it?

NEW YORK JETS +1.5 at (kind of) Buffalo

Tickets for this game are free. That's still way too expensive.

Baltimore at NEW ORLEANS -3

The Saints are bad (except for when they beat our ass) but they aren't bad at home during a night game. If this game was during the day I would pick the hell out of the Ravens, but night games are a totally different animal at the Super Dome.

Last Week- 6-7
Overall- 25-39
"Lock" of the Week- 1-4 I am a joke.