Karaoke Decisions: Singing the right song

Life and the experiences it brings you prepares you for many things.  Whether it is math tests or asking a girl at a party to be your facebook friend, years of experience teach you what is right and wrong. At least, it should.

At 23 years of age I faced a circumstance I was not prepared for: picking a karaoke song. Well to be fair, I have one and I will get into that later but it wasn’t available. Still, I didn’t know what to do.

Without a song, I felt naked. This is what that show Naked and Afraid must be about.

So to help the millions of readers who may not know how important this issue is, I am here to help with some rules to follow when picking a song.

1. Familiarity

Karaoke is hell bent on making people feel shitty about themselves. If you can’t sing, you are displaying this now in front of a bunch of strangers who feel like all of a sudden they are living their dream of being an audience member in the Apollo theater.

That is why you should always pick a song you know at least 90 percent of and 90 percent of the crowd knows.  This relates back to rule number 4 down below, but it all goes back to setting the mood right and having a great environment. If people like the song, you will be fine. If you are singing the correct words, you will be fine.

 2. Pick a hit

This is actually just a rule of life. Whether it is karaoke or picking songs on the touchtunes at your local bar, pick a god damn hit. People don’t go to karaoke bars for the drink specials (Brian's wallet proved that, HEY-YO!) they go because they want to sing a song they know and dance it out too.

You aren’t AC/DC, you can’t get by with playing songs your fans don’t love because you have a history of making hits. You are a one hit wonder and don’t you forget it.

3.  Read the crowd/ the time of year

This is often the hardest rule, considering people come and go to karaoke bars fast.  You are an adult though, you know what certain situation needs and karaoke is no different.

Is it early? Well people probably aren’t drunk enough for you to be screaming into the mic and trying to get them involved. Later in the night ? My own worst enemy is going to get you that standing ovation.

Is it a holiday and people are coming in? Pick a song perfect for the holiday. Is it a Monday? Well, you probably don’t want to be at a karaoke bar, get out.

A man this past weekend followed rule number four with perfection when selecting monster mash on Halloween.  He did even better putting the mic out to let people to  sing the chorus . However, if he picked it for say maybe a Saturday in April, it wouldn’t go over as well. However, it is Monster Mash. That may be a case where Rule Number 2 takes over.

4.  Have a backup

Just like with a pencil during the ACT, you need to have a backup song for karaoke. Hell if you kill it and people are telling you to go back up there, hell that backup just became the encore.

Last weekend I officially made “What Would You Do” by City High my karaoke song. It fits all four of the rules. While it may have lacked a little of rule 4, I knew it was still strong. It is a song as old as wine.

The next night though as I found myself about to karaoke again, What would you do was not available. It quickly became what would I do? Well, I got up off my feet and let go of every excuse. I searched brain and the bible size karaoke guide and found my back up…. Burn by Usher. (These are my songs, so dibs. If you would like to trade dibs let me know (story for another day).)

 5. Don’t follow a guy who kills “forgot about dre"

You won’t do well. People won’t like you. Trust me.

So go on young one. Spend that extra time getting the songs you need to tear up that karaoke stage next weekend or next year. I believe in you.

If these rules don’t work for you, there is a good chance you don’t know what a hit is, you are too drunk or you are not at a karaoke bar.