I am not going to say that this is a "definitive list" because we aren't fucking Buzzfeed, but I will say that this ranking of Thanksgiving dinner items is incredibly accurate. If you tell me you disagree with this list than really all you're doing is admitting that you have bad taste and that my pallet is far more sophisticated than yours.
8. Cranberry Sauce
I don't care if it's homemade or from the can, cranberry sauce is the worst part of your Thanksgiving dish. I am not gonna sit here and say that I don't eat it. Sometimes you need something a little sweet to counter everything else you got going on with your plate. But the only real reason you put it on your plate is because it is just part of the meal. It's like saying what you are thankful for. Nobody really wants to do it, but it is part of the process so you just get through it and then you move on to the good stuff. Nobody ever gets seconds of cranberry sauce. Can you name another day of the year where you eat cranberry sauce? No, you can't, because it sucks.
7. Brussel Sprouts
One year ago I never would have gone near this dish. You grow up watching cartoons that paint brussel sprouts in the same nightmarish light as spinach. It's just one of those things you aren't supposed to like. Surprisingly, these are pretty good. The low ranking isn't a knock at the taste, but honestly if my mom decided not to make them next year I probably wouldn't notice.
6. Stuffing
Does anyone even really know what the fuck this is?
5. Sweet Potato Casserole
Nice to have. Once again, a little sweetness to switch things up is important. I go back and forward on sweet potatoes, and I think my only real beef with them is that sweet potato fries are one of the most overrated foods out there. This is a solid dish, no real complaints about it, but it is forgettable.
4. Pie
Not always a dessert guy, but I will take a good pie over a slice of cake any day. I hesitated to even put this on the list as part of Thanksgiving dinner, because what usually happens (today was no exception) is I stuff my fat face with all of the other food and can't even think about adding a slice of pie to the batch of self hatred I have just sent through my digestive system. I end up passing out and it isn't until after I wake up from my food coma that I can even think about having dessert.
3. Turkey
Turkey may have made the top 3, but it is embarrassing that the food that is the face of the holiday to not even crack top 2. Turkey is the most overrated meat ever. Whether we are talking lunch meat or bird style (or whatever you call the Thanksgiving way) it is always lacking in flavor. You won't ever see me dumping gravy all over my ham just so that I can get it down. Turkey is like the old woman of meats, pretty boring and typically dry.
2. Mashed Potatoes
So damn good. I could eat this for every meal and I really don't think I would get sick of it. Lumpy or smooth. Cheesy or not. Gravy or no gravy. Doesn't matter if you're a young buck or an old fuck, you're gonna be able to eat it no matter how many teeth you have. Anyone who doesn't have mashed potatoes over the rest of this stuff is insane and might want to think about checking themselves in to an asylum.
1. Corn Souffle
I think this dish might be a little rare, so really I would say mashed potatoes are the king of Thanksgiving, but this is just too good to not have at number 1. Hard to really describe how good it is. I mentioned that I would eat mashed potatoes for every meal? Well have you ever seen Se7en when the fat guy was forced to eat until he died? I would eat this until I died, and I wouldn't need a serial killer to force me to do it. Best thing in the world, and I'm already drooling at the thought of having leftovers tomorrow.
6. Stuffing
Does anyone even really know what the fuck this is?
5. Sweet Potato Casserole
Nice to have. Once again, a little sweetness to switch things up is important. I go back and forward on sweet potatoes, and I think my only real beef with them is that sweet potato fries are one of the most overrated foods out there. This is a solid dish, no real complaints about it, but it is forgettable.
4. Pie
Not always a dessert guy, but I will take a good pie over a slice of cake any day. I hesitated to even put this on the list as part of Thanksgiving dinner, because what usually happens (today was no exception) is I stuff my fat face with all of the other food and can't even think about adding a slice of pie to the batch of self hatred I have just sent through my digestive system. I end up passing out and it isn't until after I wake up from my food coma that I can even think about having dessert.
3. Turkey
Turkey may have made the top 3, but it is embarrassing that the food that is the face of the holiday to not even crack top 2. Turkey is the most overrated meat ever. Whether we are talking lunch meat or bird style (or whatever you call the Thanksgiving way) it is always lacking in flavor. You won't ever see me dumping gravy all over my ham just so that I can get it down. Turkey is like the old woman of meats, pretty boring and typically dry.
2. Mashed Potatoes
So damn good. I could eat this for every meal and I really don't think I would get sick of it. Lumpy or smooth. Cheesy or not. Gravy or no gravy. Doesn't matter if you're a young buck or an old fuck, you're gonna be able to eat it no matter how many teeth you have. Anyone who doesn't have mashed potatoes over the rest of this stuff is insane and might want to think about checking themselves in to an asylum.
1. Corn Souffle
I think this dish might be a little rare, so really I would say mashed potatoes are the king of Thanksgiving, but this is just too good to not have at number 1. Hard to really describe how good it is. I mentioned that I would eat mashed potatoes for every meal? Well have you ever seen Se7en when the fat guy was forced to eat until he died? I would eat this until I died, and I wouldn't need a serial killer to force me to do it. Best thing in the world, and I'm already drooling at the thought of having leftovers tomorrow.
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